Musou: Modern Parody
by Yurianna Shan Liu
Summary: Too many humor to be said if warriors of the Three Kingdoms and Sengoku era were in the modern days. Read and review, onegai?
1. Chapter 1

**Another new story! For this time, Samurai Warriors dude, I'll invade ya all! Don't think that I attack Dynasty Warriors the whole time...  
So, greetings for SW fans! Hope this story is interesting... And, please, give some info about SW characters since I played the PSP version.  
Enjoy! \(^o^)/**

Disclaimer: Uh, hum... I don't even own Dynasty Warriors. Samurai Warriors? But, hey, they are from KOEI.

Gay!

Just one night in the disco club, when the whole boys and girls, samurai, ninja, sumo, bla...bla...bla... They were all dancing under the disco light, making rainbow colour filling the whole floor.

Magoichi Saika was in his own self, sitting on a side of the bar, helping himself with some sake. He sighed when he watched everyone danced, even Gracia, though she danced with her dad, since her (cruel) dad didn't want him to dance with her. Too cruel... Too cruel... Magoichi sighed. He's ever thought of getting Okuni, but there were Keiji Maeda and Goemon Ishikawa fighting for her. Nene? That monkey got her. Inahime had no interest to him. Kunoichi's with Yukimura, the sexy No is with Nobunaga... While Magoichi, lonely.

" Lonely, eh?" Magoichi looked on his left and saw Mitsunari Ishida, still with his "大一大万大吉"(da yi da wan da ji) joined-together tattoo sticking on his back of his clothes and his fan. He opened his fan, fanned Magoichi, who was still daydreaming.

" Hey, by he way, where's Ranmaru Mori?" Mitsunari asked.

" Oh, right there." Magoichi pointed to the girl-like boy in the dance club, sitting down.

" I wanted to get him some tricky-tricks!" Mitsunari whispered. Magoichi made a blink." Well, at least to stop thinking for those ladies." Magoichi blushed for a while, then followed Mitsunari by having his left arm pulled.

" Hi, Ranmaru-chan!" Magoichi smiled brightly.

" Ranmaru-chan? I'm Ranmaru Mori, not Ranmaru-chan!" Ranmaru Mori protested.

" Hey, Ranmaru-chan! What's the secret of your beauty?" Mitsunari Ishida asked.

" Your beauty even won from Zhang He." Magoichi Saika added, while showing a poster of Zhang He which he got from a little "interview" with him in Luoyang.

" Hey, I'm no gay! I'm a MAN!" Ranmaru Mori got mad.

" Hey, how big is your b****t?" Magoichi touched Ranmaru's chest.

" Hey, I have no b***s, um, I mean, b****t!" Ranmaru Mori got his face blushed.

" Who's ever r***d you?" Mitsunari asked.

" Shut up! Lord Nobunaga's never done anything to me!" Ranmaru Mori got more enraged, face became more blushed.

" Are you in love? Your face blushed even more than the God of War!" Mitsunari asked, well, causing Kenshin Uesugi to come and ask," Uh, hum... Bishamonten( if I wasn't wrong)?" Mitsunari Ishida shook his head." I mean, the Chinese one, not Japanese." Magoichi cleared his throat, which caused Kenshin Uesugi to go away, wavy lines on his head.

" God o' War? Oh, you crazy. He'll slash you with his blade if you dared to hurt a man like me!" Ranmaru Mori replied.

" You've even never seen him." Magoichi Saika chuckled.

" SHUT UP!" Ranmaru Mori shook his head." You think that I, Ranmaru Mori, can be a ma... No, a lady?"

" A man? You can't be a man?" Mitsunari asked with an evil grin.

" No! I mean, how can I be a poster b... Gaarr! I mean, poster girl... Nooo!"

" What? You wanna be a poster girl?" Magoichi asked.

" Hey, you think I'm a ladyboy, you b*****d?" Ranmaru Mori growled.

Magoichi Saika blinked to Mitsunari Ishida and soon, Mitsunari Ishida shouted," Attention, everyone! We got a rival for Zhang He in Dynasty Warriors. Welcome our new ladyboy, Ranmaru Mori!" Everyone clapped their hands. Hideyoshi Toyotomi clapped his hands too, though he was stepped by Oichi, who cheered at the 'ladyboy'. And poor Ranmaru, his lord, Nobunaga Oda, didn't protect him, too.

" No... NOOOO!" Ranmaru Mori shouted, till he fainted. Well, they even cheered to him more and more. Poor Ranmaru...

**Okay, next chapter will be for Dynasty Warriors again. Bye-bye! Yuri-chan out, waiting for reviews to continue. \(^o^)/ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, and here we go!**

Disclaimer: DW's not mine, and so does SW... If I were KOEI, I will make No not as sexy as you knew, and Mitsunari, without that fluffy hair, but in a fox costume!

Just A Little Shear...

A fine morning when Dian Wei was going for a walk. Well, not a walk, but he went to his salon, where he got his pocket filled. On the way there...

" Lalala..." Xing Cai was seen wearing a red hood with a basket.( Wanna know her appearance? Watch Little Red Riding Hood)Dian Wei moved to Xing Cai and asked her, where she was going. Xing Cai replied," To Uncle Guan Yu."( Hehe... I'll trick you again, Guan Yu. Wait for me.)

" Oh..." Dian Wei nodded. He knew, Guan Yu has ever got the award from the "Musou: Guiness Book of Epic Records" as the person with the longest beard ever. It would be a great success if I sheared it, he thought. He's ever remembered that his ex-boss, Cao Cao, has ever thought of making his beard that long, well, not till Ma Chao scared him and his beard was cut off.( At least, Ma Chao was fired afterwards) So Dian Wei smirked, ran swiftly to his salon, while Xing Cai just continued her walk merrily.

" Xu Chu, money's come!" Dian Wei shouted as soon as he reached the salon.

" What?" Xu Chu asked.

" We should..." Dian Wei whispered all his plans to Xu Chu. Xu Chu nodded, and both of them walked to Guan Yu's house, with some shearing equipment. They were lost, but, thanks to Zhang Liao showing the way, they made it.

" Hello... May we come in?" He asked, and the reply was, "Yes." They swooped in, and soon found a general, long bearded." So, this is our target," Dian Wei smirked. Beside him was a famous doctor named Hua Tuo. They asked Hua Tuo whether he could leave. Hua Tuo shook his head, but they forced him to leave. Finally, the house was only "occupied" by Guan Yu, Dian Wei and Xu Zhu.

" Uh-hum, why did you ask him to go away? My arm's still needed him!" Guan Yu asked.

" Well, we just came here to say," CONGRATULATIONS!" Because you are our lucky customer." Xu Zhu shouted.

" Huh?" Guan Yu wrinkled his eyebrows in confusion.

" Yes, you got some free shaving from us! So, need our help? Your beard, perhaps?" Dian Wei smiled evilly.

" What? You can't do that!" Guan Yu growled.

" Come on, just a little shaving..." Xu Zhu persuaded.

" Wait! You don't understand!" Guan Yu shouted again.

" Please..." Xu Zhu pleaded.

" No, thank you and get out of here!" Guan Yu growled. Still, they stood still. They blinked at each other and...

WATAAWWW! They shaved and shaved, so hard that Guan Yu got angry. His uncured arm got swollen even worse and... He passed out.

They ran away with the beard and several minutes later...

" Uncle Guan Yu!" Xing Cai shrieked, then she got in and looked at his uncle, shocked. She screamed as she saw her uncle, which was... BALD! She ran and ran and that's... The End.

" Huhu... Poor Yunchang..." Liu Bei cried as he closed a storybook. He asked his wife, Sun Shang Xiang." Shang Xiang, is this the way my little brother die?"

" Well..." SSX muttered, while in her heart, she was deeply in anger to Lu Meng, Guan Yu's assassin.

**Phew, the end! Chapter 3 will come soon. Bye! Please RnR + Stay tune.\(^o^)/ **


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